To Hell and Back Again
by thecolfox
Summary: A post-canon continuation of Sesshomaru and Rin's feudal fairytale. Rin gave Sesshomaru the gift of compassion for life, in return, Sesshomaru leaves Rin in the village to acclimate to a life with humans until she is old enough to make an informed decision about her fate. Sesshomaru and Rin must decide what being in one another's lives means for both of them. Sessrin.
1. Prologue

"_What is logic, truly? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me to the netherworld and back, and through all of this, I have made the most important discovery of my life. I am here tonight only because of you._

_You are the only reason I am. You are all my reasons."_

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><p>Prequel to Kindred. First in my 'To Hell and Back Again' series dedicated to one of my favorite OTPs, Sessrin!<p>

Beta'd by the amazing Datenshi_no_hime over on AO3! And sadly without all of her beautiful formatting in the original word doc. Thank you for your hard work!

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><p>Things like flowers are lost on a yokai. Their existence is so fleeting, so still, that a yokai might, perhaps, notice a field of them, but never see one individually. Such simple things lived and died a thousand times over in the blink of an eye for apparitions like him.<p>

Pointless.

Fleeting.

Unnecessary.

His life had gone on for so long, propelled forward by only anger and bitterness. There were no sunsets, no midnights, only a painted blur of struggle; an ever-growing trail of conquests that did little to fill the gaping emptiness within him. His sights set on an unattainable goal, the world had held little interest for him. He drifted; he burned, suffocating and blind from the smoke created by the carefully-smothered flame within his belly until, suddenly, everything snapped sharply into focus.

_Rin._

She had appeared to him suddenly; a single flower sprouting in the middle of a path with no regard for being trampled. He hadn't trampled her, however. Somehow, the head full of messy tangles and large, liquid brown eyes had brought everything to a screeching halt. The world was finally still. She was the first thing the silver-haired demon had seen clearly in centuries; a filthy little peasant girl.

_Why?_

A creature like him, whose life spanned hundreds of years, who saw the rise and fall of entire civilizations, paying them little attention. Monarchies, kings, wars. Nothing had been more undeserving of his notice than the vermin that was human-kind. They were a cruel, foolish, and _weak_ species that suffered such such _painfully_ short-sighted lives. It was a small blessing that they were so brief and fragile, so easily destroyed by force of nature or will.

_Good riddance._

He had still been young when his _great_ and terrible father had been lured away by one of them. The greatest demon in the western lands; brought down by a worthless human princess. What had begun as indifference had quickly bloomed into disdain after his father's unnecessary demise. He wanted nothing to do with the creatures his father had died for, nor anything produced by them, so, why then had he saved her?

He told himself it had been a passing whim, a bored indulgence to satisfy his curiosity, even. He had simply felt a flash of something, perhaps it had been pity, and that flash had spurred him to save the child bleeding in the middle of the forest path.

Then, however, he'd remembered her smile. The nerve of the girl, dumping water on _him_. Attempting to _rescue_ him. She had wanted nothing from him, _expected_ nothing for her efforts, and had been grateful for the most trivial modicum of decency; if it could in fact be called that, and not morbid curiosity.

If any _human_ deserved life, it was her.

And yet, even once revived, she stood before him, dying, little by little. Had mortal things always withered so obviously? He had never noticed.

When she followed, he did not deny her.

_Morbid curiosity, perhaps. _


	2. Chapter 1

I'm glad you all seem to be excited about this story! Since I just got this back from my fabulous beta reader/editor (Datenshi_no_hime over on AO3) I decided to upload the first official chapter as a bit of a Halloween present! Thanks for the love, and please be sure to review! Concrit is always appreciated, too! Happy Halloween, loves!

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><p>"You know, Lord Sesshomaru, it is really isn't wise to allow such…"<p>

Sesshomaru was doing his best to tune out the toad's incessant chattering, but it was becoming difficult. They had been walking for nearly two days now. It must have been an odd procession to behold, certainly: the silver-haired daiyokai, his vassal, a two-headed dragon and now the little human girl. Sesshomaru's journey had started out a solitary one many centuries ago and yet somehow he'd acquired three shadows, all fairly recently. Jaken and the dragon made a moderate amount of sense, they were servants and had their own particular uses, even if he would have preferred to travel on his own. But humans were different. In his experience, they were disgusting and ultimately useless creatures. They had no special skills, little to no power and they reeked of fear. And beyond that, allowing one to follow him would certainly cause trouble from other demons.

"You do not owe her anything, milord…"

He owed her nothing; that was certain enough. She had made an attempt to care for him when he was ill, unnecessary as it might have been, but that was all. It was not so extraordinary. Odd, perhaps, but it wasn't as though her meager offerings had done him any good. Her attempt to tend to his wounds by pouring water on his head had been ridiculous. What could she have hoped to accomplish? It wasn't as though she was going to _bathe_ him. And her offerings of food were of little use to him. Even if he were going to eat human food, he would not lower himself to eating _rats_. Sesshomaru would go hungry long before he'd been seen eating vermin. Even in the disgrace of failure he would allow himself to fall so far.

Of course, if he was honest with himself, it had probably been her journeys to care for him that had caused her death. The path he had found her on was leading toward the clearing where he rested, only the wolves had reached her before she'd reached him. Even so he was not to blame. And if he were responsible? He had paid that debt in full by releasing her from death's clutches.

So why was she here now?

No. He knew why he'd allowed her to follow. The strange effect she had on him still lingered, and now that the initial surprise had subsided, he was curious as to why she had such an impact on his otherwise unfeeling self.

Why had she chosen to follow _him_? By her particularly disheveled and unkempt appearance it was clear that she was an orphan and perhaps that was a logical enough reason. If she had no home and no kin to return to, it was not unexpected she might seek to follower the creature she might have mistakenly viewed as her savior. However, a human would only slow him down, and she was not likely to gain much of anything from his company. After all what could he, son of the Great Dog General, a wild, fearsome yokai offer her? There was no shelter to be found with him, no place to call home. Humans were social, needy creatures. That was why they lived in villages amongst one another, something Sesshomaru detested. He preferred his solitude, the less interaction he had with the world, the better.

But humans were not the same and despite her odd countenance she _was _human. Perhaps there were human villages nearby where he could leave her, he mused.

"Hmmm… It seems the pest has disappeared… Good riddance, I say. Humans are completely…" Jaken continued to ramble on, obliviously.

The more he considered leaving her somewhere, the more he was convinced it was right. She needed people who understood how to attend to her needs, something he certainly did _not _know how to do, nor did he have any desire to learn. Beyond that, she still hadn't uttered a single word since their initial encounter. He didn't particularly mind this, of course. He made a point of speaking only when necessary, so he saw no reason to push her to do otherwise. And it was better than Jaken's incessant yapping. Still, it was odd and it made it impossible for him to gauge her well-being, outside of scent and simple observation. And most of what he smelled on her was dirt and filth and blood. If she were to stay with him, he would need to either urge her to speak, or devise some other method of communication. A new kimono would need to be acquired, as well. It was unacceptable that she should continue in such a state in his presence but even if he left her in a human village it might not be a terrible idea to clothe her in something else. A human family might be more likely to take her in if she looked more presentable.

He would need to send Jaken to acquire the proper garments.

"_Sesshomaru-sama!" _

Sesshomaru stopped instantly, looking back over his shoulder, brows raised. The voice, high and light, was unfamiliar to him, but to have called his name it could only have been one creature…

"Where is the child?" he inquired.

Jaken scowled, "My lord, I told you before; she disappeared some time ago-" A silver blur darted past Jaken, back in the direction they'd come from. "M-my lord! Wait!"

Sesshomaru's body seemed to move before he'd realized it, following the sound of her voice easily enough. He moved through the forest, hardly seeming to touch the ground, until he found her, huddled under a tree. He approached her slowly, the stench of fear filling up his nostrils. _This _was why he disliked humans. He was beginning to regret his own curiosity until the girl raised her head and looked up at him, brown eyes flooding with relief, and to his surprise the scent of fear… seemed to dissipate.

Sesshomaru regarded her curiously. No one's fear had ever _left_ them at the sight of him; it had always been precisely the opposite. He noticed, as he drew closer, that her feet were blistered and red; he could smell her blood. How had he not realized it earlier? They had been walking for such a long time, over harsh terrain, but he hadn't even considered that she might have difficulty handling such a thing.

Rin breathed a sigh of relief as the silver-haired demon approached. It seemed like, no matter how fast she walked, she kept falling further and further behind, until the demons were barely in sight anymore. Of course she'd tried to run to catch up but her feet had hurt so badly… She wanted to be able to speak again! She'd opened her mouth, trying to will something, _anything_ out of her mouth, over and over again, but nothing came. She'd watched, helplessly, as they eventually disappeared from sight entirely. Soon after, she'd stopped being able to hear the little toad demon and dread began to creep over her.

_She didn't want to be left behind. _

Rin had become used to being alone. After her parents had been killed by the bandits she'd been alone all the time. The other villagers allowed her to stay, even donated some meager supplies for her to build her little hut on the outskirts of the village but no one really interacted with her. Seeing her family butchered so terribly… something had happened. When she'd finally escaped their hut and made it to safety, she found she had no voice. Try as she might there was simply no sound in her throat anymore. It made the villagers very uneasy, they suspected witchcraft of some kind but Rin, being unable to write, had no way of correcting them. Without her voice, she was at the mercy of their superstitions. Ever since then, she'd spent most of her time by herself. Being alone didn't scare her anymore, but this time… for some reason, she didn't want to be left behind. She didn't want to be left alone. If she lost the silver-haired demon now, Rin knew she would never see him again. That's when the words had finally come, almost like magic. She'd called out his name, and he'd come back for her! For the first time in a very long time, Rin felt like she might burst with happiness.

Sesshomaru stopped before the girl, lowering himself to one knee. "So you _can_ speak."

Rin stared up at him, his silver hair alight with specks of sunlight that filtered through the leaves of the forest, just like the first time she'd seen him through the trees in the forest. She had never seen anything more beautiful in her whole life; there was probably nothing as beautiful as him in all the world.

"I can now." Her voice was rusty from disuse, cracking lightly.

"What is your name?" he asked.

She blinked, surprised by his question. A smile spread across her lips, "Rin."

That smile again. Why? He had simply asked for her name. He glanced at her feet once more, studying them for a moment. He would have to be more mindful of her limitations, her human frailty. After a moment Sesshomaru reached out and drew the girl into his arm, standing and cradling her against his chest. She hardly seemed to weigh anything at all and even with only one arm Sesshomaru found that carrying her was a simple task. What annoyingly fragile creatures humans were. As he walked back along the path, Rin gazed up at him in wonder. She had grown up with tales of the evils of yokai, hearing stories of how they despised humans, and only valued treasure and death. She couldn't help but think, however, that this one had been kinder to her than any human since her parents were killed. Suddenly, the stories seemed more and more difficult to believe.

Sesshomaru wasn't sure which he found more unpleasant, the girl staring at him as though he'd committed some sort of miracle or Jaken's whining coming closer.

"My lord! What are you doing with that human child? Surely you don't intend for her to come with us!"

"Jaken… take the dragon and go find herbs for her wounds."

"What?! But my lord-" He fell silent at a harsh glance from Sesshomaru, who walked away from him without another word. They approached a large tree whose roots sprawled high above the ground. He climbed onto them easily, almost seeming to float through the air, before settling down against the tree to wait for Jaken. In an attempt to distance her gaze, Sesshomaru set her down in his lap and pointedly found something in the distance to focus on. Rin's eyes lingered on him a little longer before flicking away, choosing to take in the details of his clothing instead. She'd never seen clothing like this before, but she imagined it was the sort of thing princes wore. It was much finer than any samurai or warlord's clothing… and so clean.

'I wonder where all the blood from before has gone...' she thought to herself. Perhaps it was magic too?

After a few moments, she was startled out of her thoughts by his voice, low and smooth. It seemed to fill up the space around them. Rin found it to be so soothing, she wondered what it would be like to fall asleep to that sound.

"The next time you begin to fall behind, speak up, Rin."

Rin looked up at him in surprise, letting his words sink in slowly. She gripped her yukata tightly, bunching it up in between her fingers as a smile slowly spread over her lips.

"Yes, my lord!"


	3. Chapter 2

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for the enormous delay! School, finals, family...etc. etc. You know the end of the year drill. However, I'm back to updating and working on chapters so you won't be left waiting this long again! Sadly my Beta dropped out on me as well, which accounted for the initial delay.. and then life got crazy. So if you're interested in beta-ing either of these Sessrin stories, shoot me a message! And other than that... enjoy! Chapter 3 will be coming next week!

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><p>"Sesshoumaru-sama!"<p>

The voice rang through the forest likes chimes in the wind. The tall, silver-haired demon paused in his steps and turned slightly, glancing over his shoulder.

Barreling toward him clumsily was a blur of orange. As it approached, it was clear that it had taken a tumble of some sort, as there were burrs and bits of forest floor tangled in the wild black hair and stuck to the checkered kimono. Eventually it came to a stop and Rin beamed up at him, her cheeks smudged with dirt.

"Look at you!" Jaken cried in disgust, "Filthy! Not at all fit to be seen in Sesshoumaru-sama's compan-"

"_Jaken_."

The voice, deep and firm, cut Jaken off instantly. The little toad muttered grumpily; after all, _he_ would be the one to clean the girl up! But of course _no one_ thought of how long it would take him to right the messy child, how his talents were being _woefully_ wasted washing a human child and babysitting.

The silver demon turned his attention back on the small girl beaming up at him.

"Rin, why have you returned so disheveled?"

The girl pulled a bundle of wildflowers from her kimono's sleeve, presenting them to the demon proudly.

"Rin picked flowers for Sesshoumaru-sama!" She stated. It had taken her half the afternoon the find the perfect ones.

"There are plenty of flowers nearby that would not have required you to get so soiled, Rin!" Jaken hissed, picking burrs from her coarse, messy hair.

"These are Sesshoumaru-sama flowers." She said indignantly, looking at Jaken as though he had said the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. Indeed, the bruised bundle of wildflowers was a sparse mixture of whites, reds, and indigo to match the demon's kimono.

"You've forgotten the yellow of Sesshoumaru-sama's sash." Jaken grumbled from behind her shoulder petulantly. '_I_ would not have missed such details, not that my efforts would have been appreciated had I bothered.' He thought to himself. Sesshomaru-sama had been nothing but patient and practically indulgent to the child ever since she'd joined them. The lord claimed she was to fend for herself but more often than not _he_ was ordered to watch over her, help her find food, keep her in a state befitting one traveling with a great daiyokai. They even stopped frequently for her to rest and play! Despite all his years as a loyal vassal he had never been afforded such consideration! And yet this lowly human recieved such spoiling… it was enough to make Jaken want to scream.

"Be quiet Jaken-sama!"

Sesshoumaru watched the girl make faces at the smaller demon for a few moments, eyeing the bundle in her hand. She'd taken to doing this; bringing him bundles or chains of flowers more and more often, though he could not quite comprehend why. He had no use for them. They did not possess herbal qualities and usually wilted before the day had passed. His only conclusion was that she must have been offering them to him as a gift to thank him for allowing her to travel with them. Sesshomaru contemplated telling her such gestures were unnecessary, but it did seem to please the girl to do it. And if it kept her from bothering him then there seemed to be no harm.

"You wish to give me these, Rin?" he inquired, his tone flat and cold. The girl blinked up at him, seemingly undeterred by his cool response.

"Yes, my lord!" she chirped eagerly, stretching her arm up and offering them to him again.

The daiyokai reached down and took the bundle of flowers, tucking them carefully into his armor. He would dispose of them at some later time. For now, the smile on her face told him she was pleased enough with his response.

_Odd creature._

"Let's go." He began to walk again. Rin stuck her tongue out at Jaken before hurrying after the daiyokai, humming brightly.

The moon was high in the sky by the time the threesome had set up their small camp at the base of a large, old tree whose roots created a woven cavern just large enough to provide a space for the group to rest.

A small fire crackled a few feet away from the entrance as the girl, appropriately groomed again, wove the bundle of wildflowers into a crown. Sesshomaru listened as she hummed some tune of her own creation, happy to sit near to the silver-haired demon as he rested just outside the little cave. From his spot he could more easily keep an eye on their surroundings, but more than that Sesshomaru was not fond of tight, cramped spaces. He preferred open expanses of land and grew restless when stuck in any one place for an extended period of time. His nomadic lifestyle was unusual for a dog demon, especially as the heir to the western lands, but he found he could not stomach confining himself to any one place just yet. He would wander the lands and grow stronger until there were no more lands to roam and no more battles to conquer.

Sesshomaru would not be so easily domesticated.

As such, he could have continued on for another week or two without needing to stop. But the girl, Rin, required rest and while she seemed perfectly happy to do so on Ah-Un's back, the demon could tell she fared better when they paused for a few hours every few nights. Humans, to his knowledge, seemed to prefer something of a 'normal' schedule. As a creature that didn't need sleep it was difficult to keep track of, and so he'd left the job of monitoring her rest cycles to Jaken who would then inform him when the girl should rest and for how long. And for all his whining, he certainly had adjusted to these nightly rest stops rather quickly.

In the past this would have been an unacceptable inconvenience. Had Jaken requested such an indulgence he would have left him behind long ago but when it came to the girl… for some reason the pausing became tolerable. He often watched her sleep, marveling at her ability to sleep so deeply, her guard all but nonexistent. Sesshomaru was not sure he had ever slept as she did, demons could not afford the luxury. He was never _truly_ asleep.

And yet she slept as though she were enclosed deep in some fortress, safe from the world around her, only mere feet from a creature that could kill her with the flick of a finger if pleased.

Though he hated to admit it, Sesshomaru was…. fascinated by her in a way.

His thoughts were cut off abruptly by the sound of soft footsteps approaching from behind his right shoulder and something light being placed upon his head. He cracked his golden eyes open slightly.

The toothy grin of the young human girl met him. The tooth the human villagers or perhaps the wolves had knocked out had yet to grow back. He wondered briefly how long such a thing took for a human.

"Sesshoumaru-sama is so pretty!"

Jaken dropped the stick of meat he'd been holding above the fire, sputtering as a shower of cinders scattered into the air.

"Rin! It is not acceptable to address your lord in such a casual way!" Although, he had to admit, it was true enough. Of course, he'd never dare to say it out loud. Sesshomaru would have thrashed him at the very least, if not worse.

But Sesshoumaru said nothing and simply watched as Rin beamed up at him, obviously quite pleased with her handiwork. He reached up and took the delicate crown from his head, studying it carefully.

So much detail put into an ultimately _meaningless_ task. Why? What purpose did it serve?

After a moment he spoke, "It would look better on you, Rin."

Her expression faltered, "Oh…"

'I suppose I couldn't expect him to like something so silly. But it just looked so nice on him...' she thought to herself, glancing down at the hands twisting her sleeves in them.

Sesshomaru watched her. Was it so important to her that he accept these pointless gifts? Eventually he gave a great sigh and placed the flower crown back atop his head. Rin's eyes followed his hand up her face lighting up when she realized he intended to wear it after all. Her smile stretched clear across her round face as she plopped unceremoniously at his side, dangerously close to his mokomoko. Ever since she'd begun traveling with them she'd wondered if it was very soft. She'd had dreams about snuggling up into it next to the demon, but as of yet she hadn't given in to the temptation.

"It looks very nice on you, my lord." she glanced up at the little woven crown resting atop his silver head, the strands glinting and glowing in the light of the fire. It reminded her of the falling stars with their long tails stretching across the sky.

"Rin." He spoke after a long while, causing her to jump out of her thoughts abruptly. "You are a young female. You do not wish to have… pretty things for yourself?"

She blinked up at him, taken aback by his odd question.

"Mmmm… Rin's never had things like that, but it suits Sesshomaru-sama much more anyway." she smiled at him again.

He considered her answer for a moment before nodding and glancing down at her.

"Sleep, Rin. We will leave early tomorrow morning."

"Yes, my lord." She got up and walked back into the woven shelter, lowering herself down near the fire and curling up. Sesshomaru listened to her breathing until it became steady and light. When he was confident she was sleeping soundly, he took the flower crown off his head, studying it one final time before discarding it into the fire, watching as the petals curled in upon themselves. All that effort for nothing.

The girl was wrong. Such fleeting things did not suit him.

The next morning Rin awoke slowly, blinking sleepily and glancing around. There was no sign of Lord Sesshomaru, but she could see Jaken a little ways away tending to Ah-Un and the fire, so she was sure they'd be leaving soon. He was mumbling under his breath about something she couldn't quite make out and she briefly wondered how anyone could be in such a foul mood all the time. He hardly ever seemed happy at all!

Rin pushed herself up slowly and rubbed her face with the back of her hand, letting a small yawn escape her lips.

'I wonder if Jaken-sama has anything for breakfast...' she wondered absentmindedly, sitting up and glancing around until she saw _it_. Lying close by was a bundle of large, round yellow flowers. Rin sucked in a sharp breath and stared at the bundle in silence for a long while. She hadn't picked those yesterday… and they weren't growing anywhere around them, as far as she could see. They were huge! She would have noticed them if they'd passed any on the way here... which had to mean that… Lord Sesshomaru had brought them? It certainly wasn't Jaken with all his complaining about her and how inconvenient she was all the time.

Her hand reached out and she brushed her fingers against the petals.

'You do not wish to have pretty things for yourself?' The demon's words rang through her head and Rin's hands flew to her cheeks. It took all her might to hold in the squeal that was clawing its way up her throat. Sesshomaru-sama had given her something pretty!

Jaken, of course, had noticed the small gift instantly upon waking. He couldn't help but notice they were precisely the color Rin hadn't included in her bundle to their lord, the creamy yellow color of his sash. But of course they were much larger and more impressive than the mangey wildflowers Rin had gathered for their lord. What an ungrateful, undeserving… awful child!

While the girl still slept, he had quietly inquired of the demon as he left the flowers near the girl's head.

"My lord… may I ask why?"

Sesshomaru stared down at the child, as stoic and unfazed as ever. There was no trace of motive affection or any other reasoning behind this strange act. However, he seemed to misinterpret the question his vassal had asked, or perhaps he merely had no answer for the real question as his only response was:

"They suit her." He paused, before adding quietly, "... like the sun."

Without another word he had departed, expecting that Jaken, the girl and Ah-Un would follow once they woke.


End file.
